What would you do if you had magical parents? I, for one, would have disappointed them what with being different all. Every single Disney / Pixar animation starts off with this protagonist that is different who wants to blend in but cannot. Everyone around him/her tries to steer the path ahead and then he/she emerges victorious. Then there is Dreamwork’s How to Train Your Dragon and here the protagonist is told not to blend in because they know it is a lost cause. Now, cut to real life. Everyone wants so badly to be different and the different ones want to just fit in. Its a melting pot of two forces trying to reach equilibrium and thats what keeps the world turning around in its axis. I decided I would write only after I was through with the America blaming and stockholm syndrome feigning that I have been up to in the past 2 years. Well, here I am. And I am not going to crib anymore. I know I’ve said that before. But now its over.
And its not defeat that I feel…its peace. The infighting has stopped. The struggle is finally culminated in to a contentment. There is no raging desire to return to my Matunga. There is no boiling anger towards all the other American Indians who caused me to come here. There is hardly any contempt at all left in me. It could be part of turning 30, but a change in name can change many things.
While I still feel down that I am old enough to make my own potions and yet havent received any word from Hogwarts, I am over it. I don’t pine for the Captain Planet ring, I don’t feel I should be scouring the skies for the bat signal and I sure as hell didn’t need to see the shrink after watching Avatar. I am also getting over the fact that I shall never have a pet dragon named Toothless and I shall never be able to fly emission free like him or Buckbeak. The rides in Disneyland and Universal Studios are in the ‘been there done that’ category, sugar candy is tedious and Dr. Pepper gives me dentist nightmares. And since this has happened in the last 1 month, it feels sudden but long overdue. I cannot remember what Lavanya felt like. I remember her, like a very close friend, who isnt here anymore. It is like a shell that has been shed. Lavanya will always be younger than 30…never aging a day over five years.
You know those defining moments when you know something is over? Like a long relationship, a great play or more familiarly, a weekend? That is what it feels like. There are 45 days to go, but I feel like 29 has been the longest year of my life. I have lived through every fantasy of childhood, youth and adult life and been born again. I can’t wait for this phase to be over, but at the same time, it is.
It’s all over and it’s all good.