It is over. Officially, my time here in LA as a tourist/visitor is over.
I have moved on to a bigger role as in a resident. No, my visa status
has not changed, nor are we going to be here indefinitely. Its the time.
18 months is a good amount of time to adjust to a new place. I have
finally adjusted, stopped fighting and given in to the “charm” that is
USA. Ok, I wont use the double quotes. Because that is what I have
changed in to. A liker; not a hater. I have hated for long enough. The
struggle has ended. I have tried for the past 3 months to end the
struggle with little success. Going to India obviously did not help
matters. But I was trying too hard to accept USA. And then when I
stopped trying, acceptance came to me like a wave of relief that wiped
off the nauseous home sickness.
I haven’t even worn some of the clothes purchased in India. That, coming
from a woman, is saying that it hasn’t been very long. So, to say I am
not home sick would be safe at this moment. But does that mean I don’t
get mentally transported to the Welingkar campus when I am with my
client or I don’t get a maddening urge to fly to Gurgaon to have MDI’s
bread pakodas on Monday mornings or that I feel bound and helpless when
I see my niece on Skype and want to reach out to touch her? No, those I
do. But these attacks come less frequently. So, the heart learns to beat
through the blimps.
With no idea of how the future will unfold, this outlook feels healthy.
I have come to think of India as an old friend who got upset about
something I said and won’t return my calls or come to meet me. I try to
get back in touch through friends and family, but even though I know
what she is up to, I am not there with her when those things happen. I
miss her. But how do I tell her that? So it is best to let things lie
and keep the pieces of the broken heart intact in the hope that some
day, in a college reunion, the damn thing will get mended.
But I am ok, I’m ok, I am alright! What can I say? US is growing on me.
Yeesh! The other side of me – the goth rebel with the spiked hairdo and
pierced lip just threw up on me. Guess, I will have to let her go now.