I must be an empath. That is why I always take the guy’s side when it comes to marriages. But my marriage is very normal. Even though my opinions are like a guy’s, on an instinct level I am a woman and it shines through. Yes, I know…my poor husband. But this is not about my poor husband, but about all poor husbands. Let me give you a thorough understanding of root cause of all evi…oops, of all woman behaviour after marriage.
- Women are not objects: If there was a cause that went by this name, I would be the president of it. Women are definitely not objects when it comes to being with them. But to understand them (see, if I say us, it becomes too personal), one can look at them as objects. So let us for the sake of argument (I am a woman, I can argue on anything), let’s say the woman is a cleaning device (Tsk, tsk, that’s as close as it gets). Ok, female readers, don’t close the window just yet. Just go with me on this.
- Cleaning device: When the woman is your date/girlfriend/live-in partner, she is like a mop. It goes everywhere, it is extremely low maintenance and multi-use, you can stash it away in a closet and never even feel the need to acknowledge its presence anywhere.
- Upgrade No.1: When you get married, the dust levels go up. You need more than a mop. So you resort to changing the way you look at cleaning. You need a vacuum cleaner. It suddenly seems so much better. It’s automatic and faster and you wonder why you didn’t do this earlier. You actually beat yourself about how you lived without it for so long. This, for you, my dear brothers, is a WIFE. But again, you don’t want to spend too much so soon. The price increase has to be proportionate to the benefits. So you go in for the cheaper models. It’s an upgrade from a mop.
- A vacuum cleaner is a vacuum cleaner is a vacuum cleaner: If you thought that (and you probably do considering you are male), then you couldn’t be more wrong. Let me give you a primer in Marketing ands CREATING need.
- Marketing 101: When a company has two products, one good and one average; they want you to buy the better one…because it’s costlier. Now, considering we are all low on pocket money right now, no one will go for the expensive one unless the other one is really bad. But the lower priced product is yesterday’s technology which is still in working condition. So, here’s what they do:
- The Choice is easy: It’s either the red pill or the blue pill. But during the early stage of marriage, one always takes the Basic version. You are happy. She is reasonably affordable and not too much of a stretch from your mop. But there’s just one thing: The paper bags are so difficult to find in the market. Also, germs are making you very ill now a days. You realize that cleaners should really have an option of wet cleaning. I mean, what is supposed to happen to the tiled areas? The noise is a lot. You never felt it made that much noise at the store. You wonder if you are using it wrong. You try different things, but the noise levels seem to keep going up. By now, you are asking your friends if their’s are making as much noise. And now you have put off getting a pet because its hair will be all over and you aren’t sure your new cleaning device will be able to take the pressure. And what happened to the new shining look that it had when you bought it? It’s rusty and scratched all over. You never imagined chords will be so limiting. This thing is always attached to the wall and getting it to places is getting more and more difficult….you get the picture.
- What Now?: Your heart yearns for the stylish sleek shiny new model that mocks you from the store window every time you pass it. Don’t get me wrong. You aren’t cheating, but you wish your cleaner was like this and wonder if it can transform magically. Now as a guy, it is understandable that you want this. So, you say, what they hey! I am gonna make my cleaner become like the new one. You go home, have a heart to heart and woof! Your vacuum cleaner has transformed. In front of you is the all new virus trapping, self cleaning metallic machine.
- And they lived happily ever after?: Uhhh, not exactly, you see. Your phone headsets are mysteriously missing. You are having trouble explaining to your convenience store manager the meaning of distilled water. More then once you caught the cleaner trying to de-hair your pretty Chihuahua. The cleaning solution looks like plain soap, but costs an arm and a leg. You always imagined the bright red colour would go well with your decor. And it doesn’t make any noise, that’s just awesome…but you would take a little noise any day to this battery guzzling rechargeable robot. What ever happened to the good old days of swabbing something as soon as it was dropped on the floor!
- Moral of the story: When it comes to the WIFE, low maintenance is always better.
This post has been written very specifically for all guys out there who want to appreciate their wives. No women were harmed during the writing of this post.