This blog entry is in commemoration of completing one year of knowing my wonderful husband.
Being a married friend to many unmarried single people, I find it rather compelling to ask them about whether they are seeing anyone. This, according to them, seems o be a gloating exercise because I got my man and they haven’t even had a date as yet. But truth be told, I feel as compelled to tell them to find someone as my married friends. That was at a time when I felt that marriage is the worst thing that can happen to a happy person. And yet I have single friends who I wish would stay that way rather than ruin some poor chap’s life 🙂 The single status, I believe is the best, but for most of us, it is not the happiest. If we are string enough, I am sure we will be able to manage just fine without a steady partner or any partnership at all if we were strong and quite anti-social. But man being a social animal and woman being the parasite, it is difficult to wash off centuries of ingrained mentality and shrug off the pleasant feeling of companionship that a spouse/partner can bring. And ah! what a pleasant feeling it is indeed.
For many of us, the best times in our lives have been times spent hanging out with our friends. Though that kind of fun could be generic and attributed to say a year or three, plain vanilla friendship can never invoke the feeling of it-was-the-biggest-day-of-my-life feeling. That feeling can be brought on by a special someone, it could be your partner, child or some other object of one’s pointed affection. It is this affection and focused love that we search for through our lives. It is to this specific feeling that this entry is aimed at.
Here is a typical situation. A 25 something girl is bored of being single. Her parents are threatening to ‘start seeing’. She hates the idea of an arranged marriage. But she cannot see how she can have a love marriage without anyone in the horizon or any means of meeting anyone new with a busy work life. What do you think happens? Someone in office says he likes her and irrespective of the fact that she despised him till then, she starts considering. Or else, nothing like that happens and she finally gives in to the idea of inserting an ad in the newspaper or bharatmatrimony.com. So far so good! No harm done. After the proposals start coming in, there is a problem. A meeting is fixed. She meets the guy. She has no reason to say No. He is decent, but nothing that she would go head over heels for. The painful part is that there is nothing to consider either. Unless you can keep meetingthe guy and there is no pressure whatsoever from any party, you can make the decision like you would, if he were some friend of your best friend’s brother. But the situation here is different; itis like the placement day at a good MBA college. Spot offers are used to lock-in the candidate. Now if you think all this sounds scary, let us see this from the guy’s perspective.
He is a 26 something wondering how all the good girls are taken by ugly excuses for human beings. He is not the type who believes in modern-looking-internet-marriage-brokers. He wants to meet someone, check her out, see if she would mix well with his friends, his mom and if she looks good in different outfits. But the only outfit he gets to see her in is a traditional one lest the girl is judged as ‘modern’. Now again, he has no reason to say No or a Yes. He is silently wondering how she will white water rafting with him. But some wiser person tells him that all women change after marriage and he says Yes. Of course, they both realize that it is a great decision they took and live happily ever after
They realize they should have taken their time to find someonewho really gets them.
Either of these scenarios is possible. The problem is that there is no solution for this age of single men and women. Dating services are looked down upon as desperate measures and women will never get their image tarnished by such things. The solution to their situation happens to be the age old practice of matchmaking. If only, the old uncles and aunties could be replaced by young friends who actually knew the two of them. But that is an impossible thing as very few people know so many people and they are always busy getting to know (other) more people. So I have given up trying to persuade my friends to register their profiles on the various marriage websites as they will be interacting with the parentsinstead of the to-be spouse. Instead I feel that I should use my small circle of influence to get my friends to know each other and see if any sparks fly.
Now with all the men feeling that there are no good women around, we shall give them the first mover advantage (because they are so much more desperate).
To the women though, I’ll have to say – ‘Single Belle Single Belle Single all the way, Match maker is coming down, you better not be gay’.